Flavia Combo: Barista's Blend with French Vanilla

Hello, how do you do. I don’t think that we’ve met.
My name is Spree and I’m a Minor Threat.

At around the time we here at OCR took a break from updating this blog, baseball was starting, the Stanley Cup Playoffs were beginning to take shape, and the Lakers were imploding. We made the executive decision to focus our attention on fantasy sports and rooting for teams that had no chance to win it all, watching them make early exits.

But now we’re back and ready to continue our discussion of instant coffee in the workplace. First up: Barista’s Blend with French Vanilla.

They’re starting to replace all the Flavia packets with these new Alterra packets. In our office, the Alterra invasion started with the Morning Roast, followed by House Blend, this new Barista’s Blend, and I just recently noticed the new packets for Hazelnut – although I’m willing to make a Flavia Bet with myself that the Alterra Hazelnut instant coffee tastes just as bas as the Flavia Hazelnut instant coffee. Either way, I lose.

When you think of the flavor “Barista’s Blend,” what immediately comes to mind? That’s right – Starbucks. You know what immediately comes to mind whenever I hear the word Starbucks? That one chick on Real World: San Francisco who wanted to get a job as a Starbucks barista and answered all these interview questions about how to make various coffee drinks and I’m sitting there thinking “What the hell is a macchiato?”

Well, if Barista’s Blend is designed to make you think you’re drinking a cup of coffee from Starbucks, I’m here to tell you that the truth is far removed from your imagination. If, however, you heard the words “Barista’s Blend” and immediately think of a hot cup of asphalt and cigarette butts, then this drink is for you.

I can’t even stomach the entire cup, that’s how bad it is. And to inform you of how strong my stomach is, yesterday for lunch I ate a bunch of undercooked chicken from this local Japanese restaurant simply because I was hungry and didn’t feel like throwing it away. Nothing resulted from that chicken, except I have a gap in my memory from 2:30-4:45 p.m.

Do you know what the worst thing is about this new Barista’s Blend? The fact that these packets will probably just sit here for an eternity as no one in their right mind would drink them. Do you know what the best thing is about this new Barista’s Blend? I’ve got my Flavia bet mixture all ready to go.

Enjoy your coffee.

KEURIG INVASION! (Your move, Flavia)

The other day, when I was shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond (shut it - I'm married and that's what married folks do), I saw this:



That's right. Keurig has invaded Bed Bath & Beyond with an enormous display right when you enter the store. They must've paid big bucks for that floor-to-ceiling display.

A couple weeks later, as I'm rolling into the office (mentally going through my checklist of which Flavia combination to brew), I see this little gem:



Ladies and gentlemen, Keurig has launched a full-blown assault on Flavia's territory. We here at OCR are caught in the middle of a turf war between two caffeine drug lords.

In my mind, I'm thinking there will be two dudes who will set up some janky wooden table with one Keurig machine and maybe 5-6 varieties of instant coffee. In actuality, I think there are currently seven employees downstairs, three Keurig machines, and 24 varieties of instant coffee (and some teas).





They even have a flat screen TV showing random things (I'm too infatuated with the coffee to notice what's on the TV), a computer for you to browse for more information, two kids with clipboards taking post-coffee surveys, and NO FRENCH VANILLA CREAMER. Purists, I guess.

And I, for one, welcome our new instant coffee overlords.

Flavia Strategy: How to be a dick

Sometimes, when you roll into the office, the only thing that will calm your nerves is a good Flavia Breakfast Blend. But what if your office is no longer stocked with Breakfast Blend? Do you move to House Blend? Do you stomp your feet like that little girl who got her bike stolen in the movie Goonies?*

Check out what happened to me this morning:



I thought about throwing a hissy fit, but then I realized that I still had one last cup of greatness staring me right in the face. The result:



Sayonara, Breakfast Blend. I'm not entirely sure how long that particular packet sat there on display, but it sure tasted amazing.



* I tried FOREVER to find video of that girl stomping her feet when Josh Brolin stole her bike in the movie Goonies. So, if you happen to find that clip, please feel free to send us the link.

Flavia Bet: NCAA Tournament - Sweet 16

Breaking news that has prevented me from throwing a Chris Brown-esque temper tantrum: the Flavia machine has been fixed.

This is how I responded upon receiving the news:




In other relevant events, it's looking like yours truly will be the butt end of a Flavia Bet. And yes, the guy who auto-selected his picks is currently in the lead with the potential to rack up the most points.



Happy drinking, everyone.

Flavia Bet: NCAA Tournament - Day 2

After a mildly successful Day 1, a very frustrating Kings game, and a drink-happy St. Patty's Day (I prefer to use Patty's instead of Paddy's, for no apparent reason), this is the last thing you want to see when you roll into work:


NOT COOL, FLAVIA.

Update on our office pool:


Yes, you're reading that correctly. Big Dog, who simply clicked "Auto Select My Picks," is in the lead. I blame you, Penn State.

Flavia Bet: NCAA Tournament - Day 1

Let’s say one of your bosses runs the NCAA bracket tournament every year and one year he fails to pay the winner. Not cool. Let’s say the very next year, the same boss doesn’t volunteer to run the NCAA bracket tournament. Therefore, it’s up to you and your fellow coworkers to work something out.

Normally, not a big deal.

But what if there are some coworkers who are worried about breaking the bank by entering yet another NCAA bracket? What if you’re just tired of playing for money and want to add an element of danger?

Enter the Flavia Bet.

This year, in addition to a very generous $25 pot, the winner will get to dole out a Flavia combo of his choice to the other four participants. Can we say “Espresso Roast with Milky Way topping combined with an Irish Crème”?

Check back for updates to the Office Coffee Romance 2011 office pool. Yours truly is none other than “Flavia Fat Kid In Disguise” while No Peppers is “DEEZ (hazel)NUTS.”

Flavia Bets

They say that one man's trash is another man's treasure, and that is absolutely true when it comes to the world of workplace coffee. If you've taken the time to try the different coffee options offered at your office, you've probably come across some flavors, creamers, or combinations of the two that you think are terrible. While part of our goal here at OCR is to offer you some of our favorite combinations and steer you away from others we dread, we also understand that everyone has different tastes. You might think Hazelnut with Irish Creme is the worst thing in the world but there are others who drink it on a daily basis, like one of my colleagues. Learning what you like is great, but OCR has uncovered a revolutionary new way for you to finally put your knowledge of what your coworkers like and don't like to use…

The FLAVIA BET.

The idea is simple - the loser of the bet must drink an instant coffee selected by the winner. When you win a Flavia bet, you get the pleasure of watching the loser drink something they would never make for themselves. The great thing about making Flavia bets is that the risk to reward ratio is always pretty good. The worst case scenario is you have to drink a cup of coffee that you don't like; big deal. But on the other hand, if you're the winner, you'll be surprised at how enjoyable it is to watch your coworkers cringe as you serve them a cup of something awful.

Flavia bets can really be made about anything. Here are a few examples of the bets that we have made:

-"I bet you a Flavia that both ___________ and _________ will show up for work on Friday even though they talked about taking the day off. If either of them shows up you win." -- I won that one and made the loser drink a Hazelnut with Irish Creme. The picture above is a good reenactment.

-"I bet you a Flavia that _________ will order a double quarter pounder meal at lunch. If he orders anything else on the menu you win." -- I won that one too and made the same person who lost the bet above drink another Hazelnut.

-"I bet you a Flavia that ___________ won't show up for work on the Monday after his Vegas trip." I lost this one and had to drink an Italian Roast with Creamy Topping.

Flavia Bets can be worked in with money bets too. For our office Superbowl Squares pool, the person with the final score square got to pick a Flavia for the person with the square of the opposite final score (i.e. if the opposing teams had each other's scores). The guy who normally drinks the Hazelnut with Irish Crème lost that one and you should've seen his face when he was forced to drink a Sumatra without cream or sugar.

Recommendation: the next time somebody tells you to "put your money where your mouth is", you can tell them "put your mouth where my Flavia is."