Flavia Strategy: How to be a dick

Sometimes, when you roll into the office, the only thing that will calm your nerves is a good Flavia Breakfast Blend. But what if your office is no longer stocked with Breakfast Blend? Do you move to House Blend? Do you stomp your feet like that little girl who got her bike stolen in the movie Goonies?*

Check out what happened to me this morning:



I thought about throwing a hissy fit, but then I realized that I still had one last cup of greatness staring me right in the face. The result:



Sayonara, Breakfast Blend. I'm not entirely sure how long that particular packet sat there on display, but it sure tasted amazing.



* I tried FOREVER to find video of that girl stomping her feet when Josh Brolin stole her bike in the movie Goonies. So, if you happen to find that clip, please feel free to send us the link.

Flavia Bet: NCAA Tournament - Sweet 16

Breaking news that has prevented me from throwing a Chris Brown-esque temper tantrum: the Flavia machine has been fixed.

This is how I responded upon receiving the news:




In other relevant events, it's looking like yours truly will be the butt end of a Flavia Bet. And yes, the guy who auto-selected his picks is currently in the lead with the potential to rack up the most points.



Happy drinking, everyone.

Flavia Bet: NCAA Tournament - Day 2

After a mildly successful Day 1, a very frustrating Kings game, and a drink-happy St. Patty's Day (I prefer to use Patty's instead of Paddy's, for no apparent reason), this is the last thing you want to see when you roll into work:


NOT COOL, FLAVIA.

Update on our office pool:


Yes, you're reading that correctly. Big Dog, who simply clicked "Auto Select My Picks," is in the lead. I blame you, Penn State.

Flavia Bet: NCAA Tournament - Day 1

Let’s say one of your bosses runs the NCAA bracket tournament every year and one year he fails to pay the winner. Not cool. Let’s say the very next year, the same boss doesn’t volunteer to run the NCAA bracket tournament. Therefore, it’s up to you and your fellow coworkers to work something out.

Normally, not a big deal.

But what if there are some coworkers who are worried about breaking the bank by entering yet another NCAA bracket? What if you’re just tired of playing for money and want to add an element of danger?

Enter the Flavia Bet.

This year, in addition to a very generous $25 pot, the winner will get to dole out a Flavia combo of his choice to the other four participants. Can we say “Espresso Roast with Milky Way topping combined with an Irish Crème”?

Check back for updates to the Office Coffee Romance 2011 office pool. Yours truly is none other than “Flavia Fat Kid In Disguise” while No Peppers is “DEEZ (hazel)NUTS.”

Flavia Bets

They say that one man's trash is another man's treasure, and that is absolutely true when it comes to the world of workplace coffee. If you've taken the time to try the different coffee options offered at your office, you've probably come across some flavors, creamers, or combinations of the two that you think are terrible. While part of our goal here at OCR is to offer you some of our favorite combinations and steer you away from others we dread, we also understand that everyone has different tastes. You might think Hazelnut with Irish Creme is the worst thing in the world but there are others who drink it on a daily basis, like one of my colleagues. Learning what you like is great, but OCR has uncovered a revolutionary new way for you to finally put your knowledge of what your coworkers like and don't like to use…

The FLAVIA BET.

The idea is simple - the loser of the bet must drink an instant coffee selected by the winner. When you win a Flavia bet, you get the pleasure of watching the loser drink something they would never make for themselves. The great thing about making Flavia bets is that the risk to reward ratio is always pretty good. The worst case scenario is you have to drink a cup of coffee that you don't like; big deal. But on the other hand, if you're the winner, you'll be surprised at how enjoyable it is to watch your coworkers cringe as you serve them a cup of something awful.

Flavia bets can really be made about anything. Here are a few examples of the bets that we have made:

-"I bet you a Flavia that both ___________ and _________ will show up for work on Friday even though they talked about taking the day off. If either of them shows up you win." -- I won that one and made the loser drink a Hazelnut with Irish Creme. The picture above is a good reenactment.

-"I bet you a Flavia that _________ will order a double quarter pounder meal at lunch. If he orders anything else on the menu you win." -- I won that one too and made the same person who lost the bet above drink another Hazelnut.

-"I bet you a Flavia that ___________ won't show up for work on the Monday after his Vegas trip." I lost this one and had to drink an Italian Roast with Creamy Topping.

Flavia Bets can be worked in with money bets too. For our office Superbowl Squares pool, the person with the final score square got to pick a Flavia for the person with the square of the opposite final score (i.e. if the opposing teams had each other's scores). The guy who normally drinks the Hazelnut with Irish Crème lost that one and you should've seen his face when he was forced to drink a Sumatra without cream or sugar.

Recommendation: the next time somebody tells you to "put your money where your mouth is", you can tell them "put your mouth where my Flavia is."

(Delayed) Breaking News: Flavia Still Waiting to Accept Starbucks’ Rose

Starbucks announced that it will soon provide its branded “super-premium” coffees for the Keurig instant coffee brewers. Flavia, meanwhile, is waiting for her prom date to arrive.

“Today’s announcement is a win for Starbucks, a win for GMCR and most importantly a win for consumers who want to enjoy Starbucks coffee with the Keurig Single-Cup Brewing system,” said Howard Schultz, president, ceo and chairman, Starbucks Corporation. “Our research shows that more than 80 percent of current Starbucks, customers in the U.S. do not yet own a single-cup brewer and our relationship will enable Starbucks customers to enjoy perfectly brewed Starbucks® coffee at home, one quality cup at a time.”

Full article here.

I wonder if I automatically prefer Keurig’s instant coffee system rather than Flavia’s simply because I’ve been drinking Flavia for almost five years and have only sampled Keurig’s nectar a handful of times. When you’ve been eating Honey Smacks (Editor’s note: it’s the most disgusting “popular” cereal on the market) for 4.5 years, of course you’re going to love Corn Pops, especially if life throws you a bone and you get to eat Corn Pops about once a year.

For all of you with access to Keurig brewers, congratulations. I think a tear just dropped into my House Blend with French Vanilla.

Flavia Special: Dove Hot Chocolate

I used to drink the old Flavia hot chocolate once a day for about the first two years I started working here at the office.


About two years ago, Flavia decided to turn the entire “hot chocolate via an instant coffee machine” market on its head by partnering with Dove. The product of that partnership is a 2/3 cup of excellent hot chocolate from an instant coffee machine and 1/3 cup of sewer residue.

When I think of drinking hot chocolate at the office, two things immediately come to mind:

(1) The scene from Mad Men – Pete Campbell asks his secretary to get him some hot chocolate, she brings it to him, he takes one sip, and then complains that the hot chocolate is made from hot water instead of milk.

(2) This brilliant quote from the book American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis: “On my way out this morning I stopped at the front desk, about to complain to the doorman, when I was confronted with a new doorman, my age but balding and homely and fat. Three glazed jelly doughnuts and two steaming cups of extra-dark hot chocolate lay on the desk in front of him beside a copy of the Post opened to the comics and it struck me that I was infinitely better-looking, more successful and richer than this poor bastard would ever be and so with a passing rush of sympathy I smiled and nodded a curt though not impolite good morning without lodging a complaint.”

The good: This hot chocolate is actually quite rich, which is a pretty amazing feat considering the stuff comes out of an instant coffee machine. The flavor is excellent for about the first 2/3 of the cup.

The bad: My guess is that in order to create the intense darkness and flavor of the hot chocolate, Dove needed to inject small rocks of chocolate (and/or harsh chemicals) into the cup, which find their way into the bottom of your cup. Therefore, the last 1/3 of your chocolate is like drinking chocolate with bits of sand at the bottom.

Seriously, look at it. LOOK AT IT.

In fact, this is so unpleasant that I’ve reverted to simply abusing the hot water spigot and use the office’s powdered hot chocolate mix whenever I feel the need for a very warm and soothing beverage (which usually occurs when the building’s heat is malfunctioning and cold air is blowing during the “winter” here in Los Angeles).

Recommendation: If you like dark, rich hot chocolate and you don’t mind being wasteful after finishing 2/3 of the drink, I highly recommend the Flavia-Dove hot chocolate. In the alternative, I recommend this drink if you like eating granules of chocolate/chemicals with your hot chocolate.